Last Thursday, while I was still at the hospital. My sister was with me and so was my little man. I was in my hospital bed and my sister was feeding Hunter as it hurt to hold him for too long thanks to the drain I had coming out of me. I started to get cold (the thermostat was set to 65 after all) so I paged my nurse to ask for my pain meds and a blanket. I had 3 blankets on my bed prior to me going to get the drain put in that morning. When I came back, they had changed my bed and left me with only 1 blanket.
My whole first week I had 5 blankets in my room. I could never decide if I was hot or cold. And, from the time I was admitted Monday night till that moment, I had 3 blankets. So, nurse comes in, gives me my meds and takes my temperature for she fears that I had a fever. Sure enough, I had a fever - well, so she says, she never told me what it was, just said that it was elevated. And, because of that, she wasn't going to give me a blanket. I saw the look on my sister's face, she knew what was coming.
I freaked. I told her that I've had no less than 3 blankets my entire stay here and I come back from getting a procedure done and now I only have 1. She said she would not get it for me. I asked for a new nurse, someone that would give me one. She said, ok, if I give you one, can I still be your nurse? I said, if you give me one, then yes. She leaves. My sister and I talk at how ridiculous this is. The nurse comes back, with no blanket.
She says she spoke with another nurse and that they agreed with her to not give me one. Now, I really freaked. I said, so, you told me you would get me one, leave, and ask someone else instead? She asked if I was cold. I said, no, not at the moment because of how pissed I am. I can't trust you now because you said you'd do something then leave and don't go and do it and instead ask someone else. (My sister was ready to hand Hunter to me to get the keys and grab a blanket from the house - that would have been funny, having her bring in a big comforter from the house!) I demanded a new nurse and my blanket. She said she couldn't get me a new nurse, someone else had to. At that point, I asked her to leave.
So, 10 minutes later, mom has now joined the party. I was getting ready to explain what happened when this head nurse comes in with my current nurse. Head nurse decides to allow me this extra blanket, saying it's not normal procedure when a patient has a fever. I let her know that she may want to make sure all of the other nurses that I've had my entire stay are on that same page as it was never an issue before today. She tries to explain "the thought process" behind my current nurse and why she asked someone else about the blanket, thus losing my trust. After that, she expects me to keep this nurse. I told her that I understood that I only had about 3 hours left with the day nurse but that I didn't want to see my current nurse again and to get me a new nurse, otherwise I was ready to discharge myself.
So, Friday comes along. A social worker from the hospital comes to visit me to talk about PPD. She says she's going to read off symptoms/signs of PPD and that afterwards, she'll allow me to talk and let her know what I think of that. So, she reads this list of hers, then proceeds not to let me talk, but to recommend going on zoloft. At the time, I only had 2 things on her list, fear (hello, I was in the hospital for 5 days with at that point no real conclusion as to what was wrong with me, of course I was in fear) and anger (well, when you have a short temper and a standard had been set before then not held, of course you'll see some anger from me). She kept telling me that it's common after 3 weeks postpartum. I told her that we can't look at it yet then because my son wasn't 3 weeks old yet. She kept trying to insist this 3 weeks thing and I had to keep reminding her that he wasn't 3 weeks. Finally, I said that I didn't want to deny anything or try to say I didn't have it, but that with the hell I was going through at the hospital that week (my hand still hurts from the IV), that I wanted to wait until I got back home and this was behind me.
I tell Jason this and what happened. Our conclusion is that the nurse/head nurse had this lady come in to talk to me because of "anger". Yeah, that's why I have a tattoo of Donald Duck looking all angelic. I have a short fuse. Nearly anyone who knows me knows this.
Anyway, now that I'm feeling disconnected (though that seems to be the only real thing), I'm thinking about PPD again. I just don't want it! I don't want to think of that lady trying to insist that I had it last week when she thought my son was over 3 weeks old. It's like I want to prove her wrong. But, it is what it is I guess.
