I'm very happy for everyone that is getting pregnant, I really am. And, I know we're pushing the 6 month mark for us on our TTC journey (because that is really what this is) and don't panic as everything on my side from last week checked out ok. So, I'm not panicking. It's hard not to get down though when every other day it seems that someone else has news to share. Why does my fever have to be hitting at the time when there is this crazy baby boom going on? Why couldn't it be after the boom has happened or before it?
So, I am thankful that currently it has only been 6 months and that at least I know that I'm ok (for now). If we really push a long time then we'll get the hubs checked out. Though, it would also help if I had a hubs that was willing to participate on this journey with me. I'm not saying that he doesn't want a baby, I'm saying that these past few months and through mid next month he's always tired. The bags under his eyes are back. He comes home, wants to forget about his work day and zone out to the tv and go to bed. I can't TTC with him like that. It's not fair to me nor is it fair to him.
With all that said though, I think I'm going to step back from the rush of all this stuff. I think while I figure out how I want to approach this and handle this I want to stop charting after this month (since I'm half way through this cycle) and just let things happen. It's not fun right now and it needs to be. There's pressure that I don't want around me right now. I want to sit back and enjoy this but while I figure out how best to do that, some of the chat boards I normally visit I may not as much. Not because I'm afraid of another positive pregnancy test from someone else but because I'm not ready for questions or comments or words of encouragement or discouragement. I want for Jason and I to figure this out and how to deal with this as it is something that we are both hearing about now and go from there.
Of course, now having said that, should I be expecting my positive result? If one could only be so lucky.
